Welcome to the Steve Myska Breakaway Institute homepage. I am Steve Myska, the founder and mentor at his prestigious new state-of-the art facilities that I have been able to build do to some very kind donations. I would like to let everyone know why I established this institute and how I think it may help you to join.
Back when I was born, my parents named me Steve Myska. Some may think that was just a coincidence, but I have come to realise that it was anything but. Derived from ancient texts that were found in the Egyptian ruins, Steve Myska literally means, "I suck on breakaways". Throughout my years of minor hockey, my name has followed me through, and true to its meaning, I have sucked on breakaways. Don't get me wrong, I am a fantastic player, I have been knicknamed TURBO, for my lightning speed (which has helped me get those breakaways that I suck at) and MADNESS (for the wild acts of anger after I mess up those break-aways). I am a two-way specialist, I go both ways. I can set people up, shut them down, even score when people are in front of me. Yet, some 15 years ago, on the pond, one winter night, my true calling came to me. After missing yet another breakaway, my teammate said to me, "Myska, you suck *$#!" From that moment on, I had the dream to build this institute for maybe another 10-20 people that could possibly suck as bad as me on breakaways. They needed a home, a place they could go so that they didn't feel alienated. Today, I, Steve Myska, am proud to open the Steve Myska Breakaway Institute.
Our program is very intensive, and thorough. It isn't for just anyone. If you can get three break-aways in a game and never score, you should call us, email us, or just show up on the front door with your stick. You will learn such techniques as, "How to play defensive hockey so you never get caught at centre-ice and get a break-away, and people will think you are a great defensive player" to such new techniques as..."How to snap your stick before the puck gets to you so you have to go off and miss that break-away". Also, to aid in your improvement, we are fully stocked and supplied by Blakbak Sports including sticks, gloves, pants and swag!
If you act now, and call us up, you won't pay $500, you won't pay $400, you won't even pay $300, or $200 or even $100. If you promise to tell three friends to visit my website, I will take you in right now for the low price of a six-pack! Other imitators are charging as high as $56,000,000.99 and promising you will score on break-aways. Look, let's be honest! We know you suck, you won't ever score, so why even try! That is our philosophy, and we teach you how to accept your limits and work within them.
On behalf of all the wonderful staff at the Steve Myska Breakaway Institute, we look forward to teaching you just how to stop yourself from ever having a breakaway again, so you won't miss! Be sure to say hi when you see me "not getting a breakaway" at my game!
