Blockbuster deal between Oil and Stars

Swap comes with green team circling the drain, Niner’s job in jeopardy!

The first place Oilers and burn out North stars locked down a huge trade this weekend after 10 days of tough negotiations.

Going to green is the slick skating smooth playmaker Randall Kaplan while the PHN resident Capo Crimini Nick “The Godfather” Lapiccirella dons the blue and orange.

The tale of the each’s team’s season could not be more different.

After dropping the exhibition opener the Oilers have yet to lose.
Meanwhile, despite a big win over the Chief’s last week there’s no question the North Stars season has been – in a word – crappy.

“It’s been the shits,” admitted Star’s GM Niner, “I had to do something because the team was talking about trading me.”

The Stars were aggressive in their pursuit of Kaplan, and a numbers or guys in green were offered up to try and pry him loose.

In the end it was the GF, 12 beers and 12 tubes of Lay’s that got the deal down.

“Look I really like Kapper,”said Oil GM Dunner. “But when I realized I could get a real Capo, the actual GF, and squeeze some tail gate catering out of deal it was a no brainer.”

“Also, I wanted make sure our team was adding muscle and tradition as we look ahead to the playoffs. Our team is now more than half Italian so badda boom, badda bing.”

The fact that Kaplan is a UFA next season and recently pulled his groin and sat out a game may also have been a factor.

Oil Assistant GM Cote, who can barely get to games on time and frequently forgets his uniform, had also been hinting that he was looking for another power forward because Big Moe aka “Shower Captain” was mysteriously away last week.

“I wasn’t even aware we were calling Randy ‘Kapper’,” said Cote, “it sounds pretty cool but seriously the Godfather is a legend.”

GF signed with the Stars mid season after Sammy B retired for the season.

Stars AGM Anthony Paglia said “To be fair, Niner didn’t see that one coming and who could? But Niner also didn’t attend the draft soooo….”

Stars players said they were sorry to see GF go, but look forward to seeing what Kapper can do.
Kapper is getting a few brews as a signing bonus for joining the green team.

This is the second deal between the Stars and Oil already this season.

Earlier, Adam Iuliano went from the Stars to the Oliers in exchange for Parham Fini.

PHN founder and VP of Corruption “15,” who plays for the Wendy’s and was not affected by this deal, said “listen, we all know that being traded is part of the PHN experience and who knows which team will win this transaction.”

But he added he likes the transaction. “This chips and beer being included in a deal is something I’d like to see more of quite frankly.”

PHNPA President Mel Dawg said the union is looking into making sure any player who is traded gets some suds or hooch as part of the transaction.

“I think this will make it easier for players to accept change,” said Marello, “and at the same time managers have to learn when you’re trying to screw someone over, a little lubrication is common courtesy.”

Stay tuned to see if Niner and Dunner are the only GM’s willing to shake up their rosters in the PHN’s return to action!

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