Captain my captain! – Meet the new captain pairs!
The deal on the three new duos
While Dom and Joe swim on with the Seals there are three new captain pairs in the PHN this winter.
if you don’t know where the line “Captain my captain” comes from you’re too young to understand the world.
Get a bottle of whiskey, a box of tissues look up Dead Poet’s Society and cry over the lost genius of Robin Williams.
Anyway, new recruits endured a vigorous vetting process and two part interview process leaving all of them speechless at times.
Yet somehow they all used their words and impressed enough to get the job!
Here are some interview highlights!
Double Docs for the win with the Whalers!
Superchamp Doc J is a league veteran and six PHN championships in the past six years.
He was hired by another doc, Captain Doc Marco owner of the Whalers.
While Doc J tells us he does not self medicate, he did promise his team would have no trouble getting painkillers.
And they’ll need them if they don’t win say both captains.
“We expect sacrifice from this squad” said Captain Doc Marco.
Doc J says the best advice he can give guys in beer league is “start using Rogaine early, and pre-emptively, if you want to keep your flow.”
Asked about his qualifications to lead he reminded his interviewer ” I’ve won several championships … and you haven’t.”
For real, we look forward to seeing these too softies become hard nosed WWE Smackdown style leaders.
Double D’s catch on with the Caps
D Rock and Dunner are taking over the Caps as team owner Applewood Forming blew up their entire leadership group.
Known as tough nosed defender who trashes the occasional hotel room, D Rock is another league veteran taking on a new role.
Asked about his hard core style of hockey D Rock said “We’re here to have a good time right?”
His Captain nomination papers, submitted by a couple of past teammates made note of an impressive side profile in the shower,
Asked to confirm that claim D Rock said “you should check out my only fans page.”
Asked whether you need to be a stud like Adult Film Star Alfie to be a captain in the league D Rock said
“You need to be an example and have something everyone can look up to. See my only fans page.”
Co-captain Dunner said you know “Double D’s can be interpreted in more than one way…but let’s just focus on the hockey part okay?
Having just been fired by the ruthless Whalers owner Captain Doc Marco, Dunner is now out for revenge on two teams.
“Also I have recently gotten tickets for illegal right hand turns and so I hate the Nordiques. Because no right on a red is a Quebec thing.”
Now, he’ll have to wear red.
Tabernac, Dunner, Tabernac.
Can D Rock help Dunner get back to the finals but seal the deal (get it?)!
We’ll find out!
Nords Newbie – Wedge!
Joining Pags on the Nords is the beard model known as Wedge.
Also known for his trademark red bucket, pants and gloves, Wedge has been working with the PHN ranking committee.
He was also the puck boy for the Caps last season.
“I’m ready to move up to the next level” said Wedge.
Pags and Wedge knows each other well and both of them like to score.
In a statement team owner Ashton Renovations said “we’re expecting better production from the Nords this year, and more team play on the party front too,” without defining exactly what that means.
In terms of his leadership style Wedge said he is going to lean heavily on hockey cliches like “putting more pucks on the net,” “playing a full 60 minutes,” and “wheel wheel wheel.”
On the fashion front, Wedge has some pro tips for other hipsters.
“2 in 1 beard oils and small comb is the best way to keep your beard coifed” said Wedge.
Pags said he welcomes his new co captain back into blue but added he will fine him a six pack every game for uniform violations until he gets rid of the red gear.
“Moe and Niner have multiple helmets, why can’t Wedge?” said Pags. “He saves a lot on those junior skates!”
We can’t wait to see how this Co-captain roasting strategy plays out for the Nords!
All PHN’ers please welcome our new captains!
And don’t curse the old ones!