Desperate Danner! PHN 20th anniversary season long time loser profile # 2
Nords keeper NEEDS to win the big game
Nords goalie Danner is something of an enigma.
That means mystery for all you PHN tools who never made it past grade eight!
The guy can rob you stone cold on a breakaway, but for a young buck also misses a lot of games due to injury or maybe STI’s, we’re not sure. Either way something in his groin area may need surgical repair in the near future.
Danner also loves the game more than anyone, which just make having never won the PHN championship all the more painful.
And rather than let Danner just meditate in peace the PHN paparazzi had to pester him about whether the 20th anniversary season turn this tragedy into triumph, and discover how he’s feeling about this lifetime of losing!
Danner You’re the only active PHN goalie to never won a PHN championship. How does that make you feel?
It makes me feel good!! Everyone loves an underdog story. Consider myself the dark horse. Maybe I’ll get a movie one day
Wow that was an unexpected answer! Who do you think would play you in this biopic?
Oh wow. I don’t know. Maybe Robert Pattison or that guy from the Harry Potter movies.
Daniel Radcliffe?! Good call, he even has the right name. Back to business, why do you think you’ve never one the big game? Is there a conspiracy against you? Bad D? Have you taken bribes to let in softies? If it is bribes, how much for an easy one?
I can see how people can think that I’ve been taking bribes to let in softies when it counts the most but in all honesty I just really suck when the games mean the most and my track record shows it.
I’ll get u to the dance but u need a guy like Gerry to get it done. He’s beaten me twice in the finals since I’ve entered the league.
That is true both times Gerry beat you I was on your team. It’s almost like that guy is in the Hockey Hall of Fame or something.
I heard his jock strap is in there.
Oh yeah, that’s right. So how bad do you want to win this summer and which goalie do you most want to show up?
I want it bad every year but this year particularly more than the others just because of where I went in the draft.
Your team should really lean on your first round pick to get it done so if I can really show up for the guys who picked me and the Boyz in the room that would be a pretty damn good feeling.
If there’s one goalie I wanna show up it would probably be Gerry just cause I can’t seem to win against the guy when the game counts.
F’ing Gerry. Anyway how sorry should PHN’ers feel for you that you’ve never won the big game?
I’m laughing right now!! I feel like most of the guys in the league don’t even know I haven’t won.
They do now, this whole column is about that, didn’t your publicist tell you?
Publicist? Look whatever, there’s going to be a biopic about me and Harry Potter is going to be in it.
They shouldn’t feel sorry at all for me. That’s just how it goes sometimes. They’re a lot of great goalies who have never won a ship before luckily I still got a lot of time.
What do you think your chances are this summer and why?
Well considering we’re going up against Joe B in the first round it might not work out in our favour…he did light me up for 5 in our last outing.
But the playoffs are a different game and usually it’s the gritty defensive teams that get it done and that’s the kinda hockey the Nords have playing all season. Just saying that I like to think our chances are pretty good and u probably got 10 other guys in that room saying the same thing!
We don’t know what the guys are saying in the Nord’s room, but there are two Joe’s on that team that need to have a big game on Monday as well as Danner.
We did talk to Nords Co-Captain Dom about whether he thinks Danner can get his squad to the dance and to championship win this summer.
Dom, Danner is a great guy – what makes you think this is his time for championship glory?
Because he’s finally playing with the 2 best defensemen in PHN history
Ok, I like how the modesty of how you made that question about yourself and Niner. How many shots are you willing to block to help him?
We picked him 1st overall so we don’t have to block shots
Hmmmn. Ok. Another great leadership answer! Now Danner will be facing down Joe and need to stone him for you guys to win. Dom, are you also thinking about taking your own son out to help your team?
No need, Joseph is going to pull a Chris Ashton and have a baby on game day
Ok so I see you are really leaning on random luck for that reply. But for real what advice do you two veteran warriors and multi time champions have for Danner going into playoffs?
Given his history of injuries wrap yourself in bubble wrap until Monday night
That is just so inspiring Dom, I know it’s really going to mean a lot to Danner. One last question, have you ever seen any white powder on Danner’s gear? Was it flour from his day job or something else?
Definitely not flour, why do you think Italians are addicted to bread?
Okay PHN’ers you heard it hear first.
First, Danner’s injuries could be related to his side hustle as a baker and overuse of the coke tray while he was on the Whalers.
Second, there’s going to be a movie about Danner’s PHN career.
Third, you cannot pay him for a softie goal, he lets those in for free.
It might be just because he’s a really kind an generous guy, or maybe it’s not Danner at all and is his even twin subbing in for him.
Yes we saved that surprise twist for the end for those of you who don’t know.
In any event, Danner’s already a champ!
Good luck Danner, we hope blue is your colour brother!