Draft was a success, Ashton feeds lies to draft players!
In an attempt to further embroider his wretched North Stars hat, Chris “I don’t pass or get out of the way” Ashton swindled a whole bunch of people last night and ended up with the craftiest and most expensive goalie trade of all time.
Showing up looking like he just came from Burning Man and hadn’t showered, Ashton announced before the draft went down that he had personally acquired the rights to long time goaltender of The Oil, Ian Chapman. Word his he lured Chapman with a promise of new coloured pads in North Stars colours, a better spot in the dressing room, and a no food policy that would see him shed some pounds, and a North Stars hat personally embroidered…. oh, and defense.
In another shock move, long time Bomber, Scott Rumble was tossed aside by the organization and was taken by the Godfathers. Bombers Co-Captain The Kuz had this to say:
“Rumble? Nice guy, but nice guys don’t win you Championships. His +/- was a leagues worst -76, and he was on for all of the goals we scored! I wish him nothing but the best with the Godfathers”
Another long time member of The Oil, Andrew “Old Man” Bell was taken by the North Stars one pick ahead of The Oil wanting him. The Oil had been trying to move up in the draft to acquire Bell again, but ultimately failed. Co-Captain Tsang was visibly upset, seen crying in the corner, naked. Made for an awkward moment at the draft.
The Chiefs splashed out and went with unknown Matthew Maida and Jeff Fleming. After a disappointing season in which Alfie let in a bunch of five hole goals, it will be interesting to see if they found some diamonds in the rough!
Mustang Nation went the family angle, and picked up the trio of Lapiccirella’s. Can the Godfather bring good fortune to a Mustang squad that also bring The Bus and Russian Wall to the team? Only time will tell, but rumour has it that Dominic Walters is overjoyed that his white gloves will now fit perfectly with Mustang colours.
After the draft, the trading window opened. Only one trade was tabled, and while the league (Turbo) was doing his due diligence on it and checking to see if it fit within the salary cap, the trade was pulled off the table. The league put a hush order on it, but rumours circulating are that Cheesy was on the block after his off-season fitness was called into question.
Lastly, the North Stars also announced that joining them this year as a co-Captain will be none other than the Latvian hockey superstar, Adam Funnell. The draft went well past midnight last night, as Funnell just would not shut up.
The season starts this Monday, September 18 and uniforms will be handed out by your captains!
See you on the ice!