End of the regular season – is your flow playoff ready?
PHN Player survey has hot tips for your best hockey hair ever!
Boys it’s the end of the regular season and here are some things that we know.
- The Caps are finishing in 1st place even though there tender Danner has played less than half the season and top D man Mike the Finisher has been away for weeks first with an STI contracted from a tractor seat, then with a bad case of San Diego.
2. The Nords are going to come in last BUT actually have not lost many more game than ANY of the other teams. Not to be underestimated. This could be the ultimate sandbagging season ever in the PHN.
3. The Seals are locked in 2nd place and are so clearly working on a load management strategy for the playoffs. Less than half of their team has been showing up for the past several games.
4. The Whalers are somewhere between being a scary crew of harpoon carrying studs a meet and greet and greet with the cast of The Little Mermaid. Also they’re locked in 3rd place.
Important information about the playoffs is to come but first some essentials from the PHN player survey!
Read on for answers to the important questions is 2024 going to bring record attendance at PHN games? and if the PHN is able to secure a hair care product sponsor which brand would be the best?
Is 2024 going to bring record attendance at PHN games?
Hahahahahaha.
Well the attendance numbers and the survey results are both in and this one was not even close.
Here are the results:
Some nights over half the players in the league and not showing up and the other half are complaining about them!
2.7% There’s like 3 girlfriends who show up? LOL not a chance!
18.9% There’s like 3 girlfriends who show up now! So um YES!
18.9% For real? C’mon the Nords are killing the league box office
10.8% More people watch our highlights online
And by far the most popular response with a decisive margin of victory hahaha – we can’t even get our most of our players to come at 48.6%.
If the PHN is able to secure a hair care product sponsor which brand would be the best?
Now for the most critical playoff question – is your flow ready for the playoffs? Is your beard well conditioned and sleek?
Have you manscaped.
This hair care sponsorship question was a bit like the Nords season!
Yup.
There was a tie between Rogaine and Chuck’s Hog Wash All Natural Beard and Body Wash with both capturing 20.5% of the vote!
The PHN VP of Corruption – who really can only benefit from one of these brands – will nevertheless immediately open negotiations with both companies.
“Guys just because I’m not particularly hirsute does not mean I can’t appreciate the hipster beard or the hairy backs and chests I see pre and post game,” said the VP. “I got you.”
Will the VP score a super lucrative co-branding opportunity between the league and these high profile hair brands?
Well look for stocked showers and jersey logos as early and this summer!
Then in a close second with 18.2 % of the vote was Alberto European Extra Hold Styling Mousse “Ooh Alberto!” Clearly some PHN players are in touch with their feminine side – I mean European roots.
Dipity Do Sport Gel came in with 15.9 percent of the vote and the Brylcream got a disappointing single vote not even registering a percentage value at all.
Also with noting was the write in votes for Astroglide Lube from a goalie who has a pornographic side and that’s not Adult Film Star Aflie.
And there was another write in vote from Arse for “What they used in Something About Mary.”
Keeping it classy as always Arse, we miss you!