How the F does this round robin work … and can we make the finals?
Plus more about the playoffs and Niner’s plans for a new career
Okay boys here are where things are for the playoffs.
The Caps have 17 points with two wins.
6 points for each win, then 3 points for goal differential in game 1, and another 2 points for goal differential in game 2.
The Whalers have 8 points, 6 for their game 1 win over the Seals, and 2 points for the goal differential.
The Seals and the Nords both have 3 points for a tie in the round robin cellar.
Still both teams have a chance to climb into the finals.
What will it take to advance?
The Caps have locked up a final spot because it’s impossible for the Nords or Seals to surpass them in points.
Sitting in second if the Whalers win they also advance even if the Seals get 12 points for a shutout win over the Caps.
A Whaler victory even by one goal gives them 15 points, which is the maximum the Seals can accumulate.
The Whalers’ edge is in the fact that they hold the tie breaker in regular season standings and also beat the Seals in the round robin.
If the Whalers tie and the Seals tie or lose to the Caps, then the green team still advance on points.
But if the Whalers lose to the Nords, and the Seals win over the Caps things get interesting!
Goal differential would determine which team goes forward on points the finals.
If the Nords beat the Whalers 6-3 they would get 9 points for a total of 12.
If the Seals beat the Caps 3-1 they would get 8 points for a total of 11 and be in the toilet bowl.
If both the Nords and the Seals win and have the same margin of victory and are tied on round robin points, then the Seals have the tie breaker because of finishing third in the regular season.
So Seals and Nords must win to have a chance. The Whalers might be able to squeak into the finals with a tie if the Seals lose.
So it’s a battle down to final whistle all thanks to Mel Dawg’s well designed ever game counts format.
Thanks Mel Dawg, well done!
So what is up with the Whalers will they lock it in?
It’s hard to say.
In the PHN player survey from mid season the what’s up with the Whalers was answered with alot controversy.
Some guys were blaming Kuz, some were blaming the Captains and others put it on Rodzilla and Moe for not “producing as expected.”
But the most common answer was the team had a huge drug problem, with half the league sure that the squad was overusing the team coke tray.
If drugs aren’t the distraction, there’s always a lot of talk around Morgs and Niner.
The issues there are about diet and dieting.
Morgs still seems to be carrying some holiday weight and may not be in playoff shape. But he says it’s part of his game plan.
“You can never be too heavy in front of the net. I need to deal with tough customers like Peter Tsang, Adam Italiano and even Spaceman. The extra 25-35 pounds is how I’m going to weather the storm for whatever is left in the season,” said Morgs.
“How many games are left? 2? Did you say 2?
Um ok, I’ll just ease off the Mandarin lunch buffet next week,” he added.
Niner looking for a new career?
Meanwhile, Niner has been distracted with juice cleanses and working out in his efforts to become a fitness influencer as seen is this vanity video and a model slash actor.
For proof of the actor part check him out in this recent Play OJO commercial.
Look at the guy.
I mean we like that he’s socially progressive here with his on screen husband and Madame OJO but you have to wonder is Niner getting too Hollywood for hockey?
Is he gonna leave the PHN behind?
Are Bulldog and Langer able to save the Whale?
It seems the Whalers season is really in the hands of Langer and The Bulldog.
Bulldog, a PHN veteran who’s part bull, part dog and all heart could be the difference maker for the Whalers down the centre.
If you’ve ever heard Bulldog pant when he’s hounding you in the corner you know he’s not a dog you want to get angry.
Too late.
“I feel like tearing something apart” said Bulldog.
“Either that or a need a walk and some liver treats. The point is we really want a rematch with the Caps,” growled Bulldog.
Asked if he should be concentrating on beating the Nords first Bulldog just snarled.
For his part, Bulldog’s line mate Langer seems focussed on making sure the Nords season keeps circling the drain.
He’s determined the send them to the infamous PHN Toilet Bowl.
“Listen, man we’re “the shit,” said Langer.
“But those guys stink. They reek. They smell like potpourri mixed with nasty blue cheese, rank hockey gear and the sludge that leaks out of dumpster behind a St. Hubert chicken.”
Take a minute. Scratch and sniff that.
It’s pretty vile.
And really specific. He must hate Quebec a lot.
Then, like the Rangers’ Mark Messier said in 1994 before game 7 of the Stanley Cup semi finals against the New Jersey Devils, Langer made a really specific promise.
“I guarantee you we’re gonna win.”
Are the Caps in charge of the league?
Over with the Caps, who could coast into the final, there are few questions.
First of all is who’s gonna play net for the final two games given that Danner has missed half the season.
The Caps who boasted about drafting three goalies, actually have used Matt, and Mike the Finisher in net, as well as spare tender Robbie Robs and every PHN starter over the course of the season.
On the goalie question, the team, which has had a season long media blackout, had no comment.
Danner though said “The fuck. Nodody’s getting between the Caps’ pipes except me.”
Second, there’s the question of whether they can stay dialed in for the round robin to carry winning momentum into the finals or if they are all gonna go party for the eclipse.
On that issue the team also had no comment.
There are rumours though that there’s a “Sun loving Subaru owners meet up” at the eclipse that at least three Caps players are attending.
The event that is likely to attract a lot of lesbian car lovers.
Finally there’s the whole sandbagging controversy around the team that was documented in the PHN player survey.
As seen in the graphic a big portion of the league was suspicious the team was sand bagging especially since D Rock and Alfie are so close.
Of course the team also had no comment on this question.
It’s worth noting that rookie captain D Rock suddenly left the team for a European vacation.
He’s supposedly smelling some flowers in Amsterdam.
No word on whether he’ll be back for the finals.
And a huge question about whether the team can win without the four time PHN champion on the blue line since veteran captain Dunner has lost the last two finals in a row.
Will this team keep doing its talking on the ice?
We’ll see as the playoffs continue!