Moe’s Woes! The PHN 20th anniversary season long time loser profile # 4
Moe has a fast car but his PHN career has stalled out since his first season
Moe – aka Molicious – is something of a PHN legend.
Exactly what year he entered in the PHN is a bit foggy but he’s near a decade into his career and after a championship loss in his rookie season he’s never made it back to big game ever since.
Here’s what one PHN’er had to say about Moe’s hard luck.
“Moe is well known for his favourite activity, sitting on the toilet and taking pics from there. So it’s no coincidence that he would rather chase the toilet bowl, than the championship trophy. He’s the one with the longest “cup” winning streak. I think it’s sitting at 9 straight toilet bowls.”
So this stat means that Moe has seen season after promising season end up circling the drain.
It’s literally pretty shitty for the luvable lug, who is impossible to move from the front of the net, scores occasional clutch goals, and was just last season the number one pick in the PHN draft.
Moe also plays a key role on the PHN player ranking committee where his banter is just as good as it is on the ice.
We’re going to try and find out what’s at the heart of this hardship and if the 20th anniversary season will be Moe’s magic moment!
So Moe, thanks for finally agreeing to this interview. I know you hate being the centre of attention except when you love it. Like when you paid for all ads on sports radio after being the number one draft pick.
But let’s get right to it. You’ve never won a PHN championship. How does that make you feel??
Are you serious? How do you think it makes me feel? What kind of low level IQ question is this? Didn’t you go to journalism school?
It feels dreadful. To have never won is not a good feeling at all. Especially having gotten to the finals in my first year of the PHN and never getting back since.
Actually I never did go to journalism school. And I have had a few concussions. Which is why I’m going to keep asking these obvious questions.
Why do you think you’ve never won the big game? Conspiracy against you? Lack of commitment? Being a Leaf’s fan?
My PR team advised me not to comment on this.
Well that’s a frustrating answer. You’ve never taken the summer off to golf we know you’re committed. But what about this conspiracy idea? I mean nine toilet bowls in a row seems like you’re getting unfairly flushed. And when you were a captain there were a couple controversial trades that did impact your team.
Yeah when I hurt my shoulder you gave me a back slap “by accident.” Nothing is accidental. Unless I spill my own drink or forget to clear my browser history. No comment.
How bad do you want to win this summer and what are the party plans if you win? Will the trophy ride in the passenger seat of your Tesla or be tied to the roof?
One thing at a time first we win then we plan the parade.
That’s smart.
Is it going to start or end at Sports Village. Are you going to get a Tesla Cybertruck?
Wow. No wonder I hate these interviews. Like I said first we win then we plan the parade.
That’s smart. That’s why you’re back as a co-captain. Would a hot tub fit in the back of the Cyber Truck do you think? And who would you want in there with you? Margot Robbie? She likes hockey. Paulina Gretzky? Mikayla Demaiter?
Barbie was an important social commentary and Margot Robbie should have an Oscar. But anyway, first we win then we plan the parade.
@mikaylademaiterr my own biggest fan 🤧
Okay, but just so you know this is Mikayla. She’s a goalie. You’d best take a shot.
Actually I think I can get a hot tub at work.
Another smart answer!
Since you’ve never won a championship was being the Oilers shower captain in the pandemic cancelled season the highlight of your career so far? The team was totally tracking to win the championship then
Sure, whatever, how much longer is this?
How sorry should PHN’ers feel for you that you’ve never won the big game? Should we let you win?
Don’t feel sorry at all. It’s coming this year. And many more to follow
Many?
If I can win so many consecutive toilet bowls why not championships. Consistency is my thing.
What do you think your chances are this summer and why? You can just say “Joe.”
Joe for sure is one of the many reasons why we could go all the way. I got flack from my team when we drafted him first and he had a baby on the way. But not realizing the bigger picture that now Joe has DAD Strength. I feel bad for the rest of the league!
Wow. Just wow.
Well folks Moe is making some pretty bold claims here while also evading some key questions.
I’m not sure if a cyber truck can hold a hot tub.
And we all need to consider Joe with DAD strength and following the Niner baby fitness routine.
But for now let’s hear what Moe’s co captain Pags thinks about the prospects for Moe’s magic moment.
Pags, Moe is a great guy – but what makes you think it’s his time for championship glory?
Moe’s been due for a looong time. The amount of passion and work he puts in to this league is unparalleled. This guy deserves a ship and this year we’re gunna get one for him.
Does Moe deserve the win more than Rodney, Mark or Danner who have also never won?
100% No one deserves it more.
Well those dudes beg to differ. You have a bunch of veterans who just won in the winter and other guys with multiple championships.
Is turning Moe into a winner a big motivator in the room?
Did Moe really hurt himself at golf or is this some kind of load management scam?
We don’t scam or sandbag here on the Seals. We don’t need it, the last thing we want is the heart of our team out of our lineup.
Aside from this load management scam that you deny, how are you helping your co-captain prepare for the playoffs?
Painful puns and over reaching rhymes!
