No luck Nords say they’re gonna “gagner!”

Club started the second half with a win over the Caps

After pulling off only one win in the first half of the season the Nords say the second half of the season will be all “bonne chance.”

As if to prove the “winner winner, gagner” point they started 2024 with a 7-5 win over the Caps.

That win came without Wedge, Papa Wedge, JaySte or Pags in the lineup, though Pags was behind the bench.

So good for them….though it also came with one silly misplay of the puck by Caps back up keeper Adult film Star Alfie and two empty net goals, just sayin’.

The team went 1-4-6 from September to December and frankly just could not seal the deal most nights.

The PHN scribe asked Nords star centre Maxy Max if he’d as a PHN veteran if he’d ever seen a team that cannot win or lose.

“I’ve never seen this,” said Maxy Max, “it’s a team that refuses to give up, on being completely average. We’ve taken on the ghosts of the actual Nordiques from the late 80’s.”

Invisible or impotent offence

Speaking of ghosts, the Nords offence has been invisible at times.

Like when they had scoring chances in those four losses and six ties, the team just could not score.

PHN scribe asked Johnny P about the Nords having the same number of losses as everyone else but just one win.

Are the Nords too soft?

Why can’t the team stay hard and finish, I mean score a winning goal?

“The season is long,” said Johnny P (which does not stand for prick).

“We just know how to pace ourselves and not blow our load too early.

Captain Pags was insulted by the comment about being soft.

“Oh trust me there’s nothing soft about me, and out team is solid,” bragged Pags. “Although the wife’s not getting too impressed with all the ties. She wants to be with a winner.”

Rumour has it that Pags has ordered the team a multivitamin with the key ingredients of ginseng and viagra which the VP of Corruption smuggled back from one of his trips to China.  So shower time is going to be interesting form now on, and let’s not forget the French are really ummmm liberated.

The idea behind vitamins is to repeat the explosive performance when the squad blew its collective wad in an orgasmic 9-3 goal slamming of the Seals for their only win in the first half of the season.

According to Pags the big win was “just a taste of our potential. We’ll be busting all over everyone’s nets come the playoffs.

Survey says!

Can the Nords recover from start that went so far south?

Well around the PHN there are a lot of doubts.

An extremely scientific survey of PHN players was conducted over the holiday break.

It asked about the Nord’s prospects, and also had some stunning results on important questions about hair care products, drug use and reality TV contests, all of which will be revealed in a drawn out agenda driven way until the playoffs.

But back to the Nords, How many regular season wins will the Nords get this year the results were not pretty.

8.6 percent of players said “2 wins if they’re lucky.”

20 percent said 3, maybe 4 wins.

Roughly 14 percent said 5 wins.

Another 8.6 percent said they will win the rest of their games.

But a whopping 48.6 precent said “Depends. Are they gonna fire their captains?”

Captains in question

That’s right PHN Nation.

Pags and Wedge have to turn things around or they could be canned.

Inside the team there are some who think Papa Wedge could be a good captain, including Pags himself.

“Oh 100% the guy’s flowing with hockey knowledge,” said Pags. “Now if only his son would listen, he may find the back of the net.”

Connor B, a former contestant on The Bachlorette who’s currently got a girlfriend and therefore will not be applying for Love Island, took the captain question really seriously.

“I do not think anyone should be fired yet. There are still more games in the season and hopefully we can turn it around.”

But he added, “If Papa Wedge were to replace one of the captains he should replace Wedge. Papa Wedge has a few more years of experience.”

Maxy Max was also pushed the patriarchal Papa Wedge plan.

“The other two can be assistants, Papa wedge can be our new Bergeron.”

Yup “the other two.”

Wow that’s some inspiring leadership.

“The other two” better get it together!

Wedge, the rookie captain other half of “the other two” did not respond the PHN Scribe before publication. Neither did Papa Wedge.

What’s next?

Connor B says the Nords are going to win the rest of their games.

Maxy Max says the team will win more games than it ties.

Pags had this rally the team comment,“people have a hard time beating us… while the same time we have a hard time beating them.”

He did however promise that ties were “just a tease of what the team could do.”

In what could be a tease, a source told the PHN scribe that

Some think that with Johnny P, Hildo and Papa Wedge on D the Nords should go with a 3 D, 3 forward lines set.

“I’ll leave that to the captains,”said Johnny P.

Inside the room there are questions too about a theme song.

Queen is tracking high with teams vets.

Maxy Max thinks “I want to break free” could set the team on a tear.

Johnny P believes it’s “We will rock you.”

Nope. It’s this one.