Pags is getting married and you can get blasted at his stag!
Supermodels devasted, some planning to crash his “Gentlemen’s Dinner”
PHN stud and veteran superstar Pags is getting married this fall to his sweetheart Selina.
After a 10 year courtship she finally agreed to marry the now aging not-so-gracefully power forward, who’s also a PHN GM and has a side hustle as a sparky.
“I finally feel like I’m at a point with things in the PHN that I can promise her I won’t being wearing a flames uniform again or being shipped off to some podunk town,” said Pags.
“Also, I’m playing the lottery because clearly I’m on a lucky streak since she said yes!”
PHN players, alumni and fans are also in luck because they can come to Pags’ stag (sorry! I mean ‘Gentlemen’s Dinner’) just before the PHN Finals later this month.
All the details are below but more than PHNer’s and fans may be at the bash.
Rumour has it they’ll also be some famous faces – a trio of Brazilian babes!
Adriana, Alessandra, Gisele and maybe … BARBIE!
Adriana Lima, a closet hockey fan who’s been watching Pags patrol the ice for years is said to be heartbroken that he’s off the market and making it official with a Referee and a Reverend both handling the ceremony.
“I mean, Pags just has that energy about him you know? It’s like he’s got this current or this buzz coming off him,” said Lima, “I’m sure it’s not just when he’s on the ice.”
While it’s unknown is Pags ever installed a GFI, wall sconce or motion detector for Lima as a favour, clearly she feels his electricity.
She’s thinking about hitting the party on the 25th so she can see him all cleaned up and has a plan for getting by security.
“I’m just going to tell them I’m the entertainment.”
Another Victoria’s Secret model is also gutted to hear the news about Pags’ nuptials.
“For f sakes,” said Alessandra Corine Ambrósio, “why’s he doing this? Cuffing season is coming up, not just PHN winter. I get cold when I’m alone and I was finally ready to become a puck bunny.”
Ambrósio says she’s beens secretly watching the PHN since the storied last championship of the the now defunct Mustangs.
“I’m sure Pags is hung like a horse even though he wasn’t on that team,” she said.
“His wife is a lucky lady.”
Ambrósio said she was thinking of hitting the party to look for single hockey player.
“I hear there’s a lot of Italians in the PHN, but I’m looking for one that’s actually available.”
And fresh off her split with Tom Brady, Gisele Bundchen is also rumoured to be crashing the Gentleman’s Dinner for Pags.
“I know Selina is sweet,” said Gisele, “but I invented the horse walk and I know a stallion when I see one. Maybe he’ll have a change of heart if he sees me take a few strides.”
When reminded that Pags is a Canadian and lives in Toronto Bundchen said “I thought he was just slumming it for his party.
Anyway, I made Tom move and it seems to me Pags has done enough for Canada. I think we need some hockey in São Paulo or Rio.”
The Glamazon went on to say the PHN was underpaying Pags and she was used to supporting her man.
Wait, didn’t you say something about Barbie?
While Barbie is in fact a hockey fan, she’s not talking about Pags and not going to the party.
She really only has eyes for the Rangers, not expansion teams or their players.
But one off the Kens, Ryan Gosling or Simu Liu may be there!
They’re both gentlemen, Canadian and like eating dinner and getting free drinks.
Now for the essentials so you can join in on the fun!
Pags’ Stag!
FRIDAY, AUGUST 25TH, 2023
Premier Place Banquet Hall
696 WESTBURNE DR.
CONCORD, ON
~ ANTIPASTO BAR AT 7:00 P.M.
~ ALL INCLUSIVE DINNER
§ HOSTESSES
~ CASINO GAMING
§ RAFFLES & PRIZES
§ OPEN DELUXE BAR
$120
For tickets contact Pags paglia48@hotmail.com or get them at the door!
