PHN 20th Anniversary Season off to a smokin’ start

Players putting on a show in the showers, and action on the ice is hot too

Over two decades guys can learn a lot.

New moves, new cellys, even new ways to tape their stick.

So the PHN’s 20th year is proof of how guys can evolve.

Here are a few things we’ve seen so far in the 20th season so far that are just so so very fresh:

• Joe Barbs has changed his pre-game meal from an “Italian Stallion Smoothie” to just having a Peroni. Yes,  he can have a pop and still get a hatty
• Dunner has gone top cheese for a couple goals, and was outscoring Kuz to start the season
• Aaron and the Arse are taking on new roles in the booth with the Dominator

At the same time the PHN loves tradition!

Here are a few things that have not changed:

• Joe Barbs is still being driven to the rink by his Dad, even though they are not on the same team
• Dunner still has a wet noodle most of the time
• Even with three guys working the clock and sound system it can still be a struggle to play tunes on whistles and get penalty times up

So really not sure if there is news here or not, but keep reading and we’ll find out!

No new shower captains chosen!

This actually could be news.

So far not a single team has chosen a shower captain, even though Mo, who was  famous on the former Oilers squad for his keeping of a rubber ducky, is back as a co-captain for the summer.

“Look I don’t know how I became a shower captain because I never shower at the rink,” said Mo, ” everyone knows I barely break a sweat out there.”

Despite the lack of official shower leadership, Niner, also back a co-captain and with the Nords this summer, says his entire squad is squeaky clean.

“I like how we’re lathering up, I see lots of suds, it’s practically a bubble bath in there.”

On the Caps, new Captain Johnny P says he’s been a defacto shower captain because he likes to lead by example.

“I’m serious about everything at the rink and never ask a guy to do something that I wouldn’t do myself” said Johnny.

“If someone can’t hold onto their shower gel, I’ll just tape it to their hand or lash it on with a skate lace.”

While it seems like things are under control without shower captains some are worried it’s going to be tough for the league to maintain the sponsorships it has with Chuck’s Hog Wash All Natural Beard and Body Wash, and Alberto European Extra Hold Styling Mousse. 

As you may remember these products were winners in the PHN Player survey of last season, along with Rogaine.

Morgs, the PHN VP of Corruption, says he’s got things under control.

Like totally under control.  Master of his own domain control.

“After years in this game I know how to handle myself in the shower,” said Morgs.

Ummmm hold on a minute, did the VP of Corruption just brag about handling himself in the showers?

“Yeah, and I know how to handle sponsors too,” he said.

PHNPA President Mel Dawg said any player who feels uncomfortable about the VP’s comments does not have to shower with him.

“We’ll be putting him back into respect in the workplace training right away. Maybe his sixth time through the course will work.”

Pags’ chance to go back to back? Mo’s championship cherry?  And 25 out, Hildo in

Back to actual hockey stuff, before the Canada Day break the new look, new management Seals swam into first place.

They took the top spot while new to the beach, new to the ocean, and learning how these flippers work Captain Pags was on vacation for half the games!

Now, they’re tied with the Caps for the top spot, but making making the Seals start all the more impressive, it happened while the team’s veteran D man Jason “25” #nolastnamelikecherorsting went on the IR list (again) and is out for the rest of the season.

“Losing 25 is a huge blow, but we’ve signed Hildo to replace him,” said Pags, we’re good to go.”

While all PHN’ers look ahead to the day when 25 returns for good as an actual cyborg with an entirely synthetic body, others are just looking ahead to the playoffs.

In fact, some PHN watchers believe the Seals are going to seal the deal with a summer championship.

Pags, who just won with the Nords this winter, likes the look of his new team.

“I’ve got some new guys, I’ve got some old guys and I’ve got a good feeling,” he said, “of course, that could come from nicotine or weed, but whatever.”

While Pags might be a bit chill about it all, Mo is seriously mo-tivated to win big, having racked up more toilet bowls than any active PHN’er, maybe any PHN’er to ever live.

“I’ve never won a PHN championship,” said Mo, “I want this mo-re than anything!”

Can Mo finally pop his championship cherry???

By summer’s end we’ll find out!

Coming soon – summer rookie profiles!