PHN Playoff Preview! Full meal deal edition
PHN nation welcome your full meal deal on the exciting PHN playoff series.
Featuring 2 burgers with 100 % authentic quotes, juicy all Canadian beef patties, a sour dough bun, artisanal lactose free cheese, your choice of veggie toppings, 8 kinds of chipotle sauce, and sweet potato frites, this foodie’s delight is just $72.49 thanks to inflation.
It’s just like the super stack heart attack burger from the double dumps grill.
Only better – let’s chow down!
Newbie Nords vs. Whalers gone wild – Monday at 9!
In the high octane 1st vs 4th series, Nords Captain Moe says it’s his mission in life to make sure the Whalers end up in the Toilet Bowl.
“Dunner and his cousin especially think they’re the shit. So the Toilet Bowl is where they belong.
Same for Niner, the Dominator and the rest of the Caps.”
Ok Moe.
Slot that in the “tell us how you really feel bro” column!
Really folks Captain Moe is not himself.
He’s a one armed man thanks to shoulder separation suffered at a ball room dancing class this week. Or was it pole dancing?
Doesn’t matter! He’s out for the entire PHN Playoffs!
It’s a huge blow for the Nords, who are also are bringing in a pair of PHN rookies in key roles on defence.
Jacob “The Elder” and Finister 2.0 “The Giant,” have never experienced a PHN playoff game.
“I’ve never been in a PHN playoff game, said The Elder.
“Me either” said The Giant.
“I wonder if we go to a French strip club if we win,” wondered The Giant.
“Me too,” said the Elder.
“But I think they call them burlesque clubs because a lot of words in French have the ‘que’ thing, likes Nordique.”
While the Nordi-ques daydream about victory parties and perky boobs, the veterans on Whalers have been enjoying them all season.
It’s the leagues worse kept secret that the Whalers like to get high on the high seas.
Goldie’s playoff preparation was a week in Vegas.
And last game PHN veteran and rugged utility winger “Dr. D” was dispensing advice to fresh faced Whalers youngster “JustinO.”
Those words of wisdom were “deny, deny, deny.”
the Whalers player of the game prizes are epic.
A dumbbell for looking like you’ve been working out
A hard hat for a hard working man.
And the highly coveted coke tray, recently broken in a post game celly.
One player, known for lighting stuff on fire in hotels and parking lots, was seen enjoying a white Christmas this past holiday with the tray.
So there’s no question that the Whalers know how to celebrate a win.
Maybe the Nords will figure out how if they’re victorious. Captain Moe now has time to plan a party.
Cryptic Caps vs. slippery Seals – the early action at 8!
In the 2nd vs 3rd series the cryptic Caps face off against the slippery Seals.
This series has me thinking more of fish tacos for some reason.
Anyway, the Caps did the usual thing for a team run by Adult Film Star Alfie and Captain Mike.
They sandbagged most of the season before surging to a 2nd place finish.
At this point though it’s not even clear who’s running the team.
Could Niner be the secret bench boss?
Could the Dominator be quietly taking charge?
“Dom doesn’t talk about his game or game plan” said Captain Mike, “which is not to say he has game plan or that it’s our game plan. We just aren’t taking about our plans.”
Ok Coach Top Secret.
So could Rodzilla and Johnny P be running the show then?
“Actually,” said Captain Mike “both those guys like taking command but Johnny P says winning starts in the bedroom and ends on the ice. I think he’s talking about taping his stick before the game.”
Yeah um sure. Whether that’s literal or metaphorical, how ’bout those Seals?
The Seals have kind of been floundering since the move to Brampton…but take a deep dive on the Seals roster and you see a team that’s fast and ferocious.
Like a pod of seals savaging a school of cod or herring.
Or demolishing a row of fish tacos. The point is these sea faring mammals are ravenous.
There’s the Italiano tandem with Gerry and Adam. There the cunning Joe C and the ruthless GF, plus the super slippery captains Joe and Dom Barbs.
But pod squad has been even more slippery since the move to the new rink.
Like slippery as in who will show up?!
Cheesy just made his first game at the arena, and promptly proved that he’s still not into back checking.
JEM – the lanky puck moving D-man whose initials match the name of an 80’s doll, may or may not make it to rink.
There’s that other lanky defender JEF, who may or may not be on injured reserve and about make a playoff return.
Chucky’s been away forever, but we’ll cut him some slack because he has that side hustle saving lives.
Then there’s the Alex Brawny.
He’s solid so long as he knows what time the game is.
“That was a one time thing,” said Brawny, “after missing half the game I didn’t want to rush in and a pull a muscle.”
So the Seals have been an ever changing cast of subs and super subs, making scouting the team practically impossible in the run up to the playoffs.
Super f’ing slippery.
“Speaking as a doctor and a recently licensed marine biologist,” said Seals winger Doctor J, “I can tell you that friction isn’t always your friend. We’ve really taken being slippery to heart. It’s what we’re all about.”
“We might not know our lineup until 5-10 minutes before game time, but we’re used to it now,” he continued.
“Good luck to anyone tying to hold us back.”
So there you have it. Your playoff preview.
Hungry for some action? it all starts Monday at 8:00!
