PHN Playoffs: The match ups, the rules, and the parity problem!

Another illustrious PHN regular season has come to an end and the playoffs are set to begin.

The match ups are set.  Monday Caps vs. Seals at 8.  Nords vs. Whalers at 9.

The Nords, who sank to the bottom of the standings after the move to the new rink, take on the first place Whalers.

The Seals, who also stumbled and tumbled at the new rink, fell the third place and take own the surging Capitals.

There’s lots to say about these season and the series but first the basics!

The Rules

The winner of each two game series advances to the Championship Final.

The losers play in the Toilet Bowl aka Semi Final.

In the series there can be tie game results.

Game 1 can end in a tie. There is no OT or shoot out.

Game 2 can also end in a tie.

If that happens the teams will play a 5 minute 3-on-3 overtime, where changes can only be made on the fly.

The OT is run time, not stop time, so if there is a whistle, hustle to make your change.

If the OT ends with no scoring, we go to a shoot out with a minimum of five shooters.

The shooters start simultaneously.

The winner of the OT or the shootout becomes the winner of the series. 

The same thing applies if the series is split at one win for each team.

The winner of the OT or the shootout after game 2 becomes the winner of the series. 

And in a mixed result series where in one game ends in a tie and one game ends in a victory, the team that has the win advances.

If the Toilet Bowl ends in a tie then the rules are also a 5 minute run time 3-on3 overtime, changes on the fly, followed by a shoot out if needed with a minimum of 5 shooters.

Remember, the loser of the Toilet Bowl is the winner.

If the final ends in a tie the rules are:

• 10 minute run time overtime at 5-on-5 with changes only on the fly.
• Shootout if needed, same rules as above.

Subs

Traditionally subs in the playoffs happen from the bottom up.

However, this season we’ve had major challenges with filling spots on some teams since the move to Brampton.

So after discussion with the VP of Corruption the view is that captains can agree to subs as they have throughout the season.

More details will be shared with the captains by email.

Past rules state spares “must be approved by a Commissioner” and the Captain of the other team “must be aware of what’s going on.”

Also, teams MUST spare up to 9 players, but cannot spare to 10 skaters.

This remains true. Spares must be approved by VP of Corruption before game time so get your attendance and roster sorted out as early as possible.

Tightest season ever!?

Winter 22/23 will go down in the books as one the tightest PHN seasons ever!

The gap between the top and the bottom in the standings is only 8 points.

Tie games were common.

Why was it so close?

The answer was universal.

That means everyone agrees.

“This bullshit salary cap is stopping us big money making teams from spending our money and pulling away with it!,” said Captain Pags of the Nords.

Whalers sniper Maxi Max agreed.

“It’s the flat cap. Flat out. Flat. Flatty flat.”

Maxi Max’s performance this season was personally affected by the pancake payroll.

The steady two way all way anyway necessary centre didn’t have his usual stellar stats.

In fact, the first place team scored by committee with not a single player in the top five while Joe Barbs and Dom B lit up the league, followed closely by The Wedge, The Kuz and The Mark.

Meanwhile, the goalie battle was crazy and all the keepers are turning it on in time for the playoffs!

Adult film star Alfie is riding a special high over recent games – especially the game in which he stoned Whalers rival Danner on a breakaway and a penalty shot when he was playing forward for a game.

“I’m on special high,” said Alfie. “I stoned him. I’m a stoner. Ummmmm got any chips?”

Is parity a problem?

While PHN executives are patting themselves on the back about establishing a sophisticated player ranking system and executing a masterful draft, there’s trouble with the league’s rank and file.

Sure there’s parity in the league.

But PHNer’s are complaining about the salary cap.

Though it may be good for the fans and competition, players say it’s affecting their ability to pay the bills.

And impress their wives and girlfriends.

Joe Barbs for example says the salary cap is preventing him from getting a new Bentley.

“I scored a bunch of goals but I don’t get bonus so I can buy a new ride” the star centre complained.

Father Dom Barbs said, “for F sakes my son wants a Bentley.

I don’t have a Bentley.

Kids today.”

But Barbs Jr isn’t the only one saying the salary cap is hiring the league.

So is another son-of-a-gun.

Wedge aka “Jacob The Younger,” doesn’t understand why his ‘big money’ team inset paying him the big bucks.

“I feel like I’m worth big bucks, he said.

“And maybe if I got big bucks I’d get some blue pants and a blue bucket.”

Don’t forget the gloves Wedge.  Up the ask.

Up it. Go big brah.

Jordano the journeyman is also looking for a raise.

“I feel like I am practically paying to play.”

The Nords toughy added, “WTF.”

He’s not the only PHNer paying to play either, the issue is widespread.

Over on the Caps, Rodzilla is also pissed.

The winger with soft hands and silky longish hair was a sleeper pick in the draft.

Nobody knew what a stud he was, except Caps management.

“I have like 14 kids,” said Rodzilla.

“I’m playing just for the love of the game at this point thanks to the salary cap.”

Rodzilla is clearly a strong candidate for an endorsement deal to boost his earnings.

Yo Trojan!  Hello Viagra! Check this stud daddy out!

Fortunately, a teammate hooked Rodzilla up with a high power agency looking to sign PHN players.

In terms of solutions for all hardworking PHN’ers, PHNPA President Mel Dawg says that the salary cap has to be elevated.

“We’re bargaining this summer and we’ll have a new deal for the winter,” said the Dawg.

“Players deserve their fair share of the pie and PA will make it happen.”

Look for the PHNPA Prez back on the ice this fall!

Taking it all

Right now all PHN’ers are focussed on taking the championship trophy home.

And by home we’re talking about the most popular answer in the players poll about the parade route.

“Back and forth on highway 7 baby” said Captain Mike Maverick,”it’s not even a question.”

For the PHN playoff previews on the match ups, click here!