Playoff Preview! Caps vs Seals

Exclusive interviews with Danner and 2-5 reveal intense rivalry

The PHN playoffs start Monday and the late game at 9:00 is the Caps against the Seals.

It’s a two game series to advance to the finals, soon game can end in a tie, and if it is a split series tie breaker rules will be applied.

Looking forward to the big battle between first and fourth, we interviewed a key player from each team.

We start with Caps netminder Danner, who joined the Caps after being dumped by the Seals just before the trade deadline.

We also talk to Seals defender 2-5.

Danner says Seals are going to be flushed!

So how bad do you want to beat the Seals?

I wanna beat them bad obviously you know I got traded from the start of the year so you know it would be it’d be good to shove it right back in their face.

You have buddies on that team. Who do you have the biggest hate on for and why?

I mean like I like Moretti off the the ice but on the ice he’s kind of a dick. Never really liked that guy scoring on me but probably right now it’s Nicky he’s actually been scoring on and he’s going to remind me of every single time I see him comment soon so probably want to beat him the most. He’s talking always talking always honestly an always making fun of you for whatever kind of guy

Yeah, so tell me why he’s been scoring on you?  

His releases is deadly and he changes the angle and as a goalie like you want to make those small adjustments but you know sometimes you just can’t really make them and it goes by right. Also like there’s also times where you don’t really realize he’s gonna shoot like he’s good at catching you off guard. 

In the winter you lost a heartbreaking final to the Seals and Dom and Joe. How bad do you want revenge on on that father son combo?

Oh, yeah, well, obviously you don’t want back to back champions. You know, you want it to you want to change up right? It’s also you don’t want their ego to get too big. So you can knock them down a peg kicking them out in the semi finals and have them drinking out of the toilet bowl or swimming in it.

In winter, it was a Caps vs Seals semi final, and the Caps had it in hand and then the seals pulled it out at the last minute. So how can the Caps win it this year? 

I think we just get some quick ones and just shut it down. Just give him nothing off the right start. So we get a couple quick ones and lock it down. I think we’ll be fine. 

The Caps have haven’t won a lot this summer.  How are you going to try and turn around the headspace of the team for the playoffs?

Everybody goes through those bad stretches now it’s going to look up, it’s gonna be positive now. So I feel like honestly all the teams are even in this league and now it’s our turn to show up. 

Who are you counting on to come up big in the goal scoring department from your team?

Probably Jaco,  he’s been doing do it all year. Every single time is on the ice he’s making things happen. Probably him. Hopefully he can get some some goals for us

So back to the Seals to wrap things up.  There’s a veteran defender on the seals, known as 2-5.  So this character has just made his PHN comeback after being kind of been rebuilt. He’s like, he’s like half steel parts. What’s your take on this dirtbag cyborg?

Well this guy is practically not human anymore and he should be banned from the league.

Banned from the league because he’s a cyborg?

Yeah humans only humans only.  

Now, do you think being a cyborg has helped Jason become a better hockey player at all? 

You know, I think he still sucks to be honest with you, even though he has that advantage, where you know, he’s half artificial.

As a half artificial guy, did he block shots for you? Put his fake body into the line of fire?

I can’t honestly remember.  

Honestly, I don’t think anybody on that team blocked shots.

Actually. I know Sammy tried walking a couple shots, but I don’t think anybody else really tried.

What’s your prediction for the series?

We’re going to flush them right into the toilet bowl!   

2-5 trash talks Caps, his own team and himself!

Clearly this cyborg has a few loose connections but here’s his take on the semis with the Caps.

Do you feel like your rebuilt body is ready for rigorous test of the PHN playoffs?

Knowing the Seals needed the help, I purposely rebuilt myself to be the $1,000,000,000 man! I mean, I am not worth that much, but inflation, you know?

How do you think your comeback has gone so far?

You can’t call the come back a success until you take a clapper and take out Tsanger, we both know that.  So until that happens, I will be the first to admit it, it hasn’t been so hot!

There are some players on your first round opponents the Caps who think you should be banned from the PHN because you’re kind of a cyborg.  Should the PHN be a humans only league?

The Caps have what you would consider “Players”????? I am confused….

There are also some players on the Caps who don’t know who you are.  What’s it like to be both a cyborg villain and a nobody at the same time? Did you ever see your future unfolding this way as pee wee hockey player decades ago?

As the 8th option in a 6 man D-squad back in my Peewee years, I can say that being a nobody, is a skill set.  The Caps? I care more about taking out Tsanger than the Caps…. priorities.

You have some young high flying teammates. How often do they throw a pass your way?

I am fortunate to play with the best of the best. Our Captain rigged the draft, GF under-rated his recruits, and my only job is to dish the puck their way.  They know what to do with and have been the reason for our success this year!

To your first round series specifically, which of the Caps do you most want to beat and why?

I really want to hit Tsanger with a centre ice clapper.

With your netminder Adult Film Star Alfie being the only goalie in the league you can score on what are your odds for getting a goal in the playoffs?

Pretty good, isn’t Alfie on the ice with me?

BTW, Which of Alfie’s movies is your favourite?

Alfie’s best movie is the one in which he pretends to be a goalie.

Could the Seals be a PHN dynasty?

We could have been but then the Competition Committee you gave us Alfie……

What’s your prediction for the series with the Caps – Messier style?

I guarantee that one team wins it.

Who’ll take this series?

Check it out Monday at 9:00 at Sports Village and register now for winter!