Will the Whalers win the league again?

Team says they’re ready to make waves for a 2nd straight championship, but critics say they’re sunk

After a triumphant summer 2024 season that saw two long time losers – Morgan and Mark – finally take home a championship, the Whalers say they’re ready for a winter repeat.

“I’m ready to repeat,” said Nate the Nozzle, “like to replicate, duplicate, do it all over again. I’ve never known anything but winning in this league and I plan to keep it that way.”

Brash talk from a rookie who won it all in his first season.

But sophomore success isn’t a given.

The Whalers finished in third this season.

Or, in other words, second last.

It’s not a great record for the defending champs.

Challenged about whether he’s getting comfortable with losing again before the second game of the round robin last week ’15,’  aka Morgan, had to confirm with Godfather just where the team finished in the regular season.

“GF were we second last?”

“Yes Morgan we kinda sucked,” said GF.

“Well reporter man thanks for your snarky question. I guess we’re just comfortable that we don’t need to win … until we need to win.”

“We need to win tonight Morgan,” said GF.

“Well fuck where is everybody then!?” said 15.

And there you have it.

Before this key game the Whalers were missing three guys including both captains.

Captain Doc is know for phoning in games, but where was Marco…?!

Some said he was taking an extended spa weekend.

But rumour has it that Marco was at an emergency rehab.

Apparently he’s been giving himself laughing gas at the dental clinic… two hits for the patients and one for himself.

But if so, the team was tight lipped about it.

Jessie D, the Whaler’s goalkeeper and only man in the PHN to appear in Playgirl said Captain Marco is a gamer.

And he added, Marco will soon be ready for action and for an another Championship photo.

“Just because he missed a game doesn’t mean he’s not in the game,” said Jessie.

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” said Rod the Bod.

“He was literally not in the game.”

It’s unclear if Marco will be on the ice this Monday or if he is still detoxing.

Either way Rod says he’s looking to sink the Whalers Monday night.

He’s also panning to then take his team to Finals.

“I’m looking to sink the Whalers” said Rod.

“Their boat ain’t gonna float, it’s going down!”

Rod’s really getting into the nautical disaster metaphors because he’s been feeling patriotic and listening to a lot the of the Tragically Hip.

He’s trying to make up for wearing a super American jersey.

Elbows up boys!

Never 51!

Tune in for a wild one in the last game of the round robin tonight!